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| From Left: Me, Mama and Daddy And yes, my Mom is touching my BUTT @,@ |
Before I wrote this post, I was thinking how to make the structure of this post. Today is a Sunday, and it’s a special day because it’s a Mother’s Day. But then, May 13 marked something on my life and my whole family. So I’m quite puzzled right now if I should write a post about Moms or about May 13 last year.
So I come up with this, I’ll be sharing with everyone what I learned last year so that YOU could be able to (in a way and I hope so) appreciate and celebrate with your whole heart this Mother’s day.
I’m giving you the option which one you want to read first, Chong Wei Yu (a fan) told me via Exotic Philippines fan page that “save the best for last”. So yes, he’s suggesting to write the sad part then the happy part, but I’ll end up crying first before I finish the whole post and possible will never get to finish the post. (LOL)
Well anyway, here’s the option:
Just click on the link above and you’ll be automatically be on the area you can start reading that part. Expect this post to be a VERY, VERY LONG ONE because I’ve been waiting for a year for this and speak my feelings through this blog.
I don’t want to start on May 13, 2011 so I want to take you back on May 16, 2010 where we all realized why since that day, every single thing happened that day is meant to happen.
May 16, 2010
It’s my Mom’s birthday! She’s 55 that time and we’re all happy and we spend the day together with the whole family. Well, except with my older sister who’s in the US.
The thing is, we celebrated my Mom’s birthday for A WEEK. Really, she even told us “I’m like a celebrity, I’m celebrating my birthday for a week!” and we were all laughing and happy.
We ate at the mall...
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| My Dad is Actually sleeping. |
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| From the left: Ella, AJ and Kyle |
We went to the beach...
and celebrate at home!
April 29, 2011
One of my sister, her name is Rotchie (Nickname: Titing) just arrived from the US. After 3 years of not seeing her, not hugging, or kissing her, and as for me not breaking her legs and stretching her face. My parents end up crying and hugging her so tight.
I was left in Cebu and the rest of the family was in Manila to welcome her back home. Why I was left? Because I own the dogs and no one will feed the dog if no one is at home. Yeah, that’s the sad story. LOL. Just kidding!
Everyone was so happy, they opened the bags that was with my sister. They got some PASALUBONG (it’s a gift for someone that c, that is from someone who came from another place. The gift must came from the place where the giver came from.), as for my Dad he got his LA Lakers jerseys where him and my sister bought online. He was even the one chose the color, size and design. My sister even bought him the LA Lakers cap and some other stuff he wants. My niece got toys, dresses, watches and more.
As for me, I got the BRITNEY SPEARS MAGAZINE with $5 on it. Yeap! That’s all I have from the US. LOL. But really, I also got other stuff for me.
May 11, 2011 (Wednesday)
With my Dad driving the car, my mom on the front seat with my Daddy and me with my sister and three nieces, we went around the Cebu City. Since it was already almost 12 noon we decided to go to CNT Guadalupe to eat some Lechon.
But then, on our way my Dad just suddenly said “Ting, is it normal that my arms seems to feel numb?” and my sister suddenly told him to park the car and stop driving. My sister is a Medical Technologist, that’s why she knows these health related stuff and that’s why my Dad is asking her.
Good thing we’re really near at the hospital where my sister used to work at, a very well-known hospital here in Cebu. We rushed him to the emergency room, and probably almost an hour after my Dad and my sister walked out and get to the car. The doctor just gave him some medicines and said that maybe because of his old age, his arms or muscles are like that.
So we asked him if he could still drive and still want to go at Guadalupe to eat Lechon. He said he miss lechon and he still wants to eat, and so we did.
May 12, 2011 (Thursday)
As few of you may know, I am a member of the Iglesia Ni Cristo (Church of Crist) and we have church service twice a week. Thursday and Sunday’s are our church service days here in our local.
Thursday night, we attend the church service. My Dad is one of the deacons in the church so he’s earlier than us. I go along with my Mom and Sister, and everyone was so curious what my sister looks like and they’re like looking at her.
By the end of the church service, I looked back at my Dad and I saw him WAVE his hand on me and my sister. I called my sister and said “Ting, look at Daddy he’s waving his hand.” And she’s like “Does he really have to do that?” I was thinking it’s because he wants everyone (his friends) to meet my sister because he’s been talking about her to his friends. What do you expect from the proud Dad anyway?
May 13, 2011
I woke up at my room, with my sister sleeping on the other side and my Dad looking at me. He was sitting at the chair and trying to get some air.
It was so hot here in the Philippines that time that we have to use the air conditioner the whole day. That’s why my Dad is at my room, so that he doesn’t have to turn on the air conditioner in their room and just use mine.
But I was shock that he’s in the room and looking at me. He just then said “I’m so tired. I just got home from the house of our brethren’s in the church, who I visited. And I’ll be bringing one whole family to be doctrine and be a member of the church.” and I don’t know what’s going on with my head and I don’t usually praise him but then something hit my head and told me “appreciate your Dad!” and so I did, without thinking twice. I told him “Woah? Really? That’s great! You must be so happy.” and with a smile on his face he said “Yeah! I am! Imagine I get to convince and open the eyes of one whole family, and save their souls.” But I can see that he wants to cry because of happiness and I don’t want to make him cry. So I just didn’t say nothing and smiled.
Around 10AM my 3 nieces arrived, they all went to my room and play. I was working (Yeap! I work at home) and my sister and parents are inside my room.
Around 2PM they were all knocked out. They went to sleep (Again.. At my room!) and that means silent surroundings for me while working.
Probably around 4PM they all woke up because there’s a blackout. It’s a rotating blackout, so it’s expected. My Dad woke up with my 2 nieces in each of his side and he was kissing and hugging them. He got up and grabbed my other niece, Ella and hugged her so tight and kisses her.
My Mom starred at my Dad and said “Dy, are you okay?” and well of course my Dad said “Yes, I’m just fine.”
Since I don’t get to work, I also went outside the house to get some air. I grabbed the DSLR of my sister and took a picture of her sleeping, her saliva dropping from her mouth and make a close up picture.
Then I rescued myself from the dangerous hands of my sister, and went back outside and took pictures of my dogs and my nieces. With my summer attire, the white shirt and torn shorts I was walking around the compound and taking pictures.
My Dad was sitting in his throne, which is the single chair near the door. I go to him and showed him the picture of my sister that I took few moments ago, and he said “BUANG JUD KA”… in English? That means “YOU’RE REALLY CRAZY…” and I laughed.
But then I noticed my dog, Chowder. He’s like the bodyguard of my Dad, if my Dad goes to church he’ll wait outside. If my Dad will guard the church, he’ll also guard the church. My Dad is also the playmate of Chowder way back when Chowder was our only dog, so they’re like father and son but best friends.
Anyway, I noticed Chowder that he seems he wants to play with the puppies of Kiara (my other dog) but he can’t leave. He keeps on turning his head back to my Dad and stare at him. My Dad was just so quite watching me, my three nieces and dogs. So I took a picture of Chowder because something tells me I should, I don’t know who but I do hope it’s not Satan. LOL. It’s the picture below:
5PM that day, or maybe around that time the electricity and so I go back inside to go online again and start working. I turned on my computer, the air conditioner and then grab my chair and sit.
While I’m doing that, my Mom said she’s watering her orchids and my Dad call her to go inside with him, she just said to Daddy that she’ll just follow and that she’s almost done. When she got back inside, my Daddy is at his precious throne in the leaving room and watching TV.
My Dad waved at her and said “Come here, sit down and watch TV with me..” and so she did. She go to my Dad, sit with him and she starred at him and said “Are you really okay?” and my Dad said “YES! I feel fine…..”
Then suddenly, just when I saw my desktop loading MY MOM SCREAMED. I stopped, and listen. Then I heard MY SISTER SCREAM!
I got up so quickly that my chair was on the air flying and I ran outside to the leaving room and saw my Dad struggling to breathe. He’s like he fainted but he can’t breathe. I was shocked that my sister looked at me and screamed “GO GET HELP!”
I don’t know what else to do so I go outside and screamed “HELP! HELP! HELP! PLEASE HELP!”
Our neighbor in the compound went out, ran to me and asked what’s wrong. He called his wife to go get the keys of their car and told me to get more help. I don’t know what else to do so I went outside the gate and screamed for help again.
I was worried what happened to my Dad and go back inside again, but then I saw my sister grabbing his wrist, trying to feel the beat of his palm. Then looked at him, hugged him and said “Daddy… no! Not now Daddy! Not now! Not Now!” and my heart is beating so fast and I decided to grab my Dad from her, and tried to lift him up.
I put him at my back but he was so heavy that it just brings me to my knees. I felt like, I should make it. I should carry him. I could do it but my sister grabbed me and told me to stop because Daddy is falling from my arms.
The other neighbors came in and help us, there were about five or six guys carried him to the car. I was at the back seat and my Dad is at the front seat. My Mom was just sitting right beside me.
As we rushed to the hospital, I look at my Dad. Starred at him. He was getting pail, but he is smiling. I don’t know what but something’s telling me through he’s face that he’s just alright. My heart is pumping not that fast anymore, I felt like the world stopped and it was the longest 5 minutes’ drive and longest stare at my Dad I’ve ever done.
We arrived at the hospital, I feel better but my hopes are up that he’ll be okay.
I looked at his feet and it goes darker. I turned around to my Mom as she was sitting in the chair crying and calling for my Dad.
Then tears fall down from my eyes, I grabbed her head and hugged her and prayed. I begged God not to take my Dad yet. That I would do anything, just don’t take my Dad away from us.
As I open my eyes and as I was looking at my Mom who’s crying and felt like she’s lost. Something spoke to me and said
“FROM NOW ON, YOU WILL BE THE ONE WHO’M YOUR MOTHER WILL LEAN TO. THE ONE SHE’LL GRAB ON WHENEVER SHE FEEL SHE’S WEAK. AND YOU, YOU MUST BE STRONG FOR HER, YOU MUST NOT SHOW WEAKNESS AND SHOW STRENGTH SO THAT YOUR MOM WILL BE STRONG TOO…”
I wiped my tears and stopped crying. I’m not saying I saw an angel or something, alright? Probably it’s the inner me, or maybe God talking through my head, or maybe my Dad?
I was facing the glass wall, inside the room it was the nurse and above the glass wall was the clock. I looked back at the nurse, she looked at me with the look that she seems to pitty me. I want to cry, but I must not. Then a nurse on my right starts writing, looking at the clock and writes it down. The nurse inside the room looked at her wrist watch and looked at me again.
Well, I’m hoping that you’ve read the first part before this. It’s quite long I know, I want to make it short but I’m sleepy now.
So what’s the connection to the story above to Mother’s day?
Though it was my Daddy who died, it was my Mom who felt like she’s dead. Believe me, I thought I only see this in the romantic movies but they’re really madly in love to each other. If you think about it, my Dad chose to die in the arms of my Mom. He even called my Mom so he could die in her arms, right?
Also, who would guess that by the time my sister will come back he’ll die? Who would guess that you’ll die on that day? With my Dad, who could tell that with his tallness, boldness, he’ll die at the age of 57?
My point is, we don’t know when that someone will be taken from us. Maybe tomorrow, today, in any minute someone will leave us through death.
I am sharing and writing this post (if I think about my reason few months after my Dad died) because I want to speak out, share the story and release myself from painful memory. But I don’t know why, with months and weeks that I don’t have a post here in the blog, why not just post it on any date? Why does it have to be a year? Exactly a year?
I realized just now, maybe because it’s meant that I’ll share this with everyone here. To every daughter, to every son, to every husband or wife, to every grand children and share them this story. To ask them and make themselves, ask themselves
“WHEN WILL YOU SAY YOU LOVE HER?HIM? or THEM?”
Though it’s Mother’s Day today, I generally want to reach out to every member of the family. Don’t do the same mistake that I did. I’d never told my Dad that I loved him, but I make sure he feel that I do. But still even if I did make him feel I did love him and will always do, I still regret that I ONLY GET TO SAY IT, AND WHISPER IT TO HIM WHEN HE’S BODY IS AS COLD AS ICE. I’d trade anything in this world, just to get that time that second to hug my Dad, to speak to him and get to cling into his arms again.
I know some of you will say, “you’re over acting!” or “I can’t do it… it’s so yaki!” I bet you did! I am like that and I regret that I didn’t listen to my friend’s advice. My friend Riza lost his Dad too but she was way younger, I think she was only 14 when her Dad died and she’s a Daddy’s girl. She told me and my friends to hug and tell our parents that we love them. But I never did and yes I regret not doing it just because I don’t like being teased, or being rejected, or being called “OVER ACTING”.
I’d rather live a year with the teased that I am too sweet to my parents, rather than living like this with a lifetime regret of not saying it to them.
So for today, make it a special day. It’s mother’s day and hopefully through this post, I was able to share with you why you should act on it now, not tomorrow, not later, not never but now!
I hope hat through this post, you and your family could be able to celebrate Mother’s day, Father’s Day, birthday, New Year and EVERY SINGLE DAY OF YOUR LIFE loving each other and celebrating life because you’re together.
Today, It's 3AM already as I am writing this, 5 hours from now I'll be waking up again to go to church for church service. 10 hours from now I'll be with the whole family (except with my other sister who's already back in the US) to visit my Dad. 12 Hours from now we'll be celebrating mother's day.
Yes, it's a mixture of sadness, sorrow, pain and happiness. But still we must be thankful that our mom is still with us. Though it was painful that we lost our Dad, God made some ways to show us why he have to take and we realized it was really his time and was God's will. He did it not for A REASON, but he did it for A LOT OF REASONS.
I do hope, that to the children who are reading this, please do hug your Mom and Dad. A hug will do but the words will be priceless and you'll never regret saying it.
To all the Mommies… Happy Mother’s Day!
WORDS OF THANK YOU!
Also, I would like to say THANK YOU to each and every person who reached out to me and to my family when my Dad died. To Uncle Rudy, who traveled from Bukidnon to see my Dad for the last time. To my friends Nilo and Rose Ann who came and hugged me, made me smile all day. To Jasmin, the first person I called when my father died, thank you for listening to me and crying with me. To Love Faith, which I am not sure you'll be reading this due to your busy schedule. But thank you for coming and holding me when I can't stand anymore, when I can't stay strong anymore when we buried my Dad.
To all the brethren in the church, who spend their whole day, sleepless nights and didn't go to work to be with my Dad and the whole family. To those who helped us out on things we need, and we must do. To brethren who helped us out, hold our hands, tapped our shoulders and tell us "everything will be okay"... Thank you so much!
My Dad told is ever since not to ask money from anyone if he died, that's why we didn't place a donation box. But then, there are brethren in the church and friends that gave some money to us. Reaching out to our hands and handing over the money, and tell us "it is not much but I'm really sorry for your lost"...
To you it may not be much due to the amount, but because you were there, you gave it with your whole heart. It is strong and worthy enough to make us the whole family strong.
MENTIONED ON THE FIRST PART:
Chowder looking at my Dad
Dog experts says dogs can hear and know when someone will die. Especially through a heart attack. Yes, my Dad died through a heart attack and Chowder heard it. I think he didn't realized it that it was the sign that my Dad will die, because when my Dad was at the funeral, he was looking for my Dad. He wants to go with us thinking that we're hiding my Dad from him (Chowder). He even went inside the room of my parents, go to the side where my Dad sleep and look at the bed, crying. From time to time, up to now he goes to the church where him and my Dad spend their time some time. Weeks after my Dad died, the hair of my dogs started to run out especially Chowder. But now, his hair grows back. Hair loss to dogs is a sign of grief to them.
I'm planning to bring him to my Dad, I'm not just sure what or how he will react.
MENTIONED ON THE FIRST PART:
Chowder looking at my Dad
Dog experts says dogs can hear and know when someone will die. Especially through a heart attack. Yes, my Dad died through a heart attack and Chowder heard it. I think he didn't realized it that it was the sign that my Dad will die, because when my Dad was at the funeral, he was looking for my Dad. He wants to go with us thinking that we're hiding my Dad from him (Chowder). He even went inside the room of my parents, go to the side where my Dad sleep and look at the bed, crying. From time to time, up to now he goes to the church where him and my Dad spend their time some time. Weeks after my Dad died, the hair of my dogs started to run out especially Chowder. But now, his hair grows back. Hair loss to dogs is a sign of grief to them.
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| Few days after my Dad was buried. Chowder was always lonely, and all I can do is to hug him and comfort him. Trying to make him understand that my Dad his best friend, his playmate, his boss is now gone... |
I'm planning to bring him to my Dad, I'm not just sure what or how he will react.
May of 2010
I've bring you back first on May 2010 before May 2011 (The year my Dad died). As mentioned on year 2010 we celebrated my Mom's birthday for a week. My Mom's birthday is May 16 and my Dad died on May 13. So yes, last year's birthday of my Mom, she was grieving. We can't even dare to greet her a happy birthday.
LA Lakers Jersey and Cap
I was at the back of my Dad when he was trying to choose the design. That time, something already hit me that "you're Dad will die". And yes, I hate myself why I didn't tell anyone and listen to it!
Note: I apologize if there's some wrong grammar and spellings. If there are parts that are not clear let me know please. I'm writing this with teary eyes and with emotions, I'm not sure if I was in detailed or what.
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