Saturday, November 17, 2012

Filipino Jokes 001: Job Hiring Questionnaire

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Job Hiring Questionnaire

A lot of foreigners who have been here in the Philippines was impressed about how the Filipino people live our lives. That despite of our hardships in life, troubles, downs, sorrows and pain we still get to smile and live our lives.

Well, one thing I could say to them is that, us Filipino knows that each problems that we all encounter will just pass but this doesn't mean we don't do anything to get over it. What we do is that we take a break, relax and think about it later. There's no use of killing yourself about thinking of a problem that may just give you a headache or worse may cause you to decide to do a suicide. So we breathe, relax and take a joke.

So, I would like to share some Filipino jokes here in Exotic Philippines and share to the world about things that we laugh about so in this way, at least we share this little secret of our life as a Filipino.

Today, we have quite a long one but my sisters and I was reading this along with our Mom and we end up having a hard time to breathe because most of these Filipino jokes below are really funny. I'm not sure though if some of you will be able to relate yourselves to these jokes but hopefully you will to have a great laugh.

I've prepared 2 versions for this since I'm well aware that most of my readers here in this travel blog are English speaking people. I've tried my best to translate it and hopefully at least you'll get the joke. I've prepared and tried my best to translate the joke in English. The first one is in English, but if you're a Filipino and can understand and read Tagalog then go for the Tag-lish version.

So here's our Filipino joke for today!

English Version


URGENT HIRING!

We are looking for an Operations Manager. To those who want to apply, please answer the ff. questions. Send your answers resume to me via PM.

[1] If we say "I'll leave it all to BATMAN" if we have some problems, what if you are Batman, who will help and take care of you? Give three examples.

(Explanation: We usually say "I'll leave it all to BATMAN" when we have a problem. What we mean is that whatever will happen or come out to what we decide to do, we will face it. Batman is just there for...errr.. I dunno. LOL.)

[2] Which one is bigger? DORA'S BAG or DORAEMON's pocket? Why?

[3] Who bite the logo of Apple and why he did not finish it?

(Explanation: UPCAT - University of the Philippines College Admission Test)

[4] If there's an UPCAT, why there's no UPDOG? Elaborate.

[5] In the product of Crayola, what is the difference of yellow green and green yellow? Explain using logarithmic functions.

[6] If 1 KILO GRAM has 1000 GRAMs, how many grams are there in Instagram? Show your solution.

[7] If in the history of the Philippines we have "The American Time, Japanese, Spanish and Pre-Colonial”, when can we find the time period of KOPONG-KOPONG? Present the important events and show it through archaeological evidences.

(Explanation: Kopong originally stood for "blank" or "unspecified". The original phrase was "ninteen kopong kopong", i.e. ninteen something something or 19**, indicating something that happened at an unspecified point quite time ago in the 20th century.)

[8] If men are from Mars and women are from Venus, why did they come to earth?

[9] Should you give up or should you just keep chasing pavements? Expound.

[10] What is it with Brand X that other brands are really mad at it? Explain.

[11] Can you say that the Ms. Universe is fair where all participants are coming from earth? Explain.

[12] How high can the WHISPER WITH WINGS can fly? Graph your solution.
(Explanation: Whisper is a brand of a napkin - use for women monthly visits a.k.a. menstruation.

[13] If you have to invent a powdered water, what will you add?

[14] If the birds have no hands, then why do birds suddenly APIR (HIGH FIVE)? explain.

[15] Others said, they have already visited all corners of the world. How can they say that there is a "corner" when the shape of our world is Oblate Spheroid? Explain and draw your answer on a 1/4 sheet of graphing paper.

[16] Have anyone died yet because of the depth of night? If there is, enumerate.
(Explanation: LALIM NG GABI means it's already really dark at night. Usage example: Tagalog: Ang lalim ng gabi, mas mabuti siguro dito ka nalang matulog. English: It's already dark, I think it's much better if you sleep here for the night.

[17] Why do we call "building" a building if it is already done? Justify.

[18] Is this the real life? Or is this just fantasy? EXPLAIN.

[19] How often is sometimes? Enumerate.
(Explanation: Gaano kadalas ang minsan (English: How often is sometimes?) is a Filipino song and I think there's also a movie of it.

[20] How did Adele set fire to the rain? Write the chemical formula.

[21] When the cockroach fell into soapy water, does the water defecate or will it clean the cockroach?

[22]Why does the spaghetti go down and down? Explicate using Newton’s Law of Gravitation.
(Explanation: Spaghetting Pababa ng Pababa(the spaghetti go down and down) is a song.

[23] Does the moonlight shine on Paris after the sun goes down?

[24] If a pork is pierced with a stick is called barbecue, and the banana pierced with a stick is called a bananacue, then why do we call a horse pierced with a stick is called a CAROUSEL?

[25] How many holes are there in one skyflakes cracker? Illustrate.

[26] If people came from monkeys, why there some looks like a horse? Explain.

[27] Does the fish get thirsty? Explain.

[28] Why the rush hour is also at the same time the flow of traffic are so slow? Explain your answer using sign language.

[29] Where is the Edge of Glory? Write your final answer in nautical miles.

[30] In 140 characters, summarize the biography of Jose Rizal.

[31] Can a breakfast and dinner be placed inside a lunchbox? Prove your answer.
Right minus wrong

Tagalog English Version


URGENT HIRING!


We are looking for an Operations Manager. To those who want to apply, please answer the ff. questions. Send your answers resume to me via PM.


[1] Kung ikaw si Batman, sino ang bahala sa yo? Give three examples.

[2] Ano ang mas malaki? BAG NI DORA o BULSA NI DORAEMON? Ipaliwanag.

[3] Sino ang kumagat sa logo ng Apple, at bakit hindi niya ito inubos?

[4] Kung may UPCAT, bakit walang UPDOG? Elaborate.

[5] Sa produktong Crayola, ano ang pinagkaiba ng yellow green sa green yellow? Explain using logarithmic functions.

[6] Kung ang 1 kg ay may 1000 g, ilang grams naman ang meron sa Instagram? Show your solution.

[7] Kung sa Kasaysayan ng Pilipinas may “”Panahon ng Amerikano, Hapon, Kastila at Pre-Colonial”, kailan naman matatagpuan ang Panahon ng Kopong-kopong? Ilahad ang mga mahalagang pangyayari at magpakita ng archaeological evidences.

[8] If men are from Mars and women are from Venus, bakit sila nagpunta sa earth?

[9] Should you give up or should you just keep chasing pavements? Expound.

[10] Ano ang meron kay Brand X at galit na galit ang ibang brand sakanya? Explain.

[11] Masasabi mo bang fair ang Ms. Universe kung lahat ng contestants at judges ay galing sa Earth? Explain.

[12] Gaano kataas ang lipad ng Whisper with wings? Graph your solution.

[13] Kung may mag-imbento ng powdered water, anong idadagdag mo?

[14] Kung walang kamay ang mga ibon, then why do birds suddenly APIR? Ipaliwanag.

[15] Sabi ng iba, napuntahan niya na lahat ng sulok ng mundo. Paano mo masasabi na may “sulok” ang mundo kung Oblate Spheroid naman ang hugis nito? Explain and draw your answer on a 1/4 sheet of graphing paper.

[16] May nalunod na ba sa lalim ng gabi? Kung meron, enumerate.

[17] Bakit ang tawag sa *building* building kung tapos na siya? Justify.

[18] Is this the real life? Or is this just fantasy? EXPLAIN.

[19] Gaano kadalas ang minsan? Enumerate.

[20] How did Adele set fire to the rain? Write the chemical formula.

[21] Kapag ang ipis nahulog sa tubig na may sabon, dudumi ba ang tubig o lilinis ang ipis?

[22]Bakit pababa nang pababa ang ispaghetti? Explicate using Newton’s Law of Gravitation.

[23] Does the moonlight shine on Paris after the sun goes down?

[24] Kung ang nakatusok na baboy ay barbeque, ang nakatusok na saging ay bananacue, bakit ang kabayo, carousel?

[25] Ilan ang butas sa isang cracker ng skyflakes? Illustrate.

[26] Kung ang tao nagmula sa unggoy, bakit may mukhang kabayo? Explain.

[27] Nauuhaw din ba ang mga isda? Ipaliwanag.

[28] Bakit pag rush hour tsaka mabagal ang daloy ng traffic? Explain your answer using sign language.

[29] Nasaan ang Edge of Glory? Write your final answer in nautical miles.

[30] In 140 characters, ibuod ang talambuhay ni Jose Rizal.

[31] Ang breakfast ba at dinner, pwedeng ilagay sa lunchbox? Prove your answer.
Right minus wrong
Feel free to leave a comment about the Filipino jokes I have for everyone today. No worries, there will be another next week so drop in here in Exotic Philippines to get more hilarious and crazy Filipino jokes to start your day and week with a laugh!

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Gay Aida Dumaguing (a.k.a Gigi) is a 26 years old Filipina freelance SEO expert from Cebu, Philippines. The founder and blogger of Exotic Philippines who loves to travel, discover, adventure, experience the best things in life and of course, EAT!

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